i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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