Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
