I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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