Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
