is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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