so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
