I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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