Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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