She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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