I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
