I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
