did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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