He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
this hospital has no fireball
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
