You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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