Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
