I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize
