Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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