My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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