CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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