can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
