I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
