we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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