The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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