Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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