this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just had sex on a roof
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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