i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
