today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
