I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
