I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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