Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize