I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
