I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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