I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
