If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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