Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
