I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
