So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
