On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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