john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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