my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
