ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
