did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize