I'm gonna have a badass scar
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
