Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
