I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
