My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i drank out of a bidet.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
