Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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