if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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