Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
