Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
