I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
