i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
