At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
