dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
