ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
