I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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