Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
