Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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