I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
