Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
