I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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