you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
