I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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