i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
