First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
