Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
