He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
