no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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