I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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