so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
