no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
