i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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