Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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