I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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