Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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