You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
