she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
