I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
