Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
