So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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