Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
