She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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