I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
