so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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