Do you still have your period?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
