I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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