The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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