when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize