I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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