i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
