I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
