if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize