id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
high people should be assigned attendants
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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