I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
